I've never had lots of friends, mostly only one. Like you, I never was part of a group of friends, not be the first one to be chosen. I was forever wondering how I should do 'it' (friendship), and always worrying I was doing it wrong. It's only now with my best friend that I can be myself, but even our friendship is not a conventional one. We keep in contact through text messages, and see each other once every 4-6 weeks, and barely ever visit each other at home. It works for us. Honestly, my two closest 'friends' are my husband and daughter.